A Night After Christmas
by Tuxedo Jack
Summary: And people wonder why Keitaro never has a good Christmas.


'Twas The Night _After_ Christmas  
A holiday poem by the ever-so-slightly buzzed Tuxedo Jack  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina, nor do I own anything I don't  
own. If that statement makes no sense to you, please feel free to  
drink yourself into a state of inebriation until it does. Use eggnog -   
it helps.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
'Twas the night after Christmas,  
And all through the inn,  
Not a creature was stirring -  
Let me check that again.  
  
There was good Keitaro, asleep in his bed,  
Dreams of Naru and Shinobu in his head.  
And at his door, his dear imouto.  
Kanako was there in an askew kimono.  
  
"It's that magical time of year," she thought.  
"Oniichan will love the lingerie I bought!"  
But Motoko wasn't going to stand for it, no sir.  
She dragged the poor girl off to her bedchamber.  
  
"Let me go, kendo girl!" Kanako yelled.  
"Let me go, before I ring your bell!"  
That merely made Motoko go nuts,  
And with a firm grin, she pinched Kanako's butt.  
  
But now let us return to Keitaro, our blood to save,  
Or grab a box of tissues for the nosebleeds we'll have.  
What's this? At his mouth he will foam,  
For into his room Kitsune doth come.  
  
Her eyes are a-twinkle, her cheeks are a-flushed,  
It's really quite obvious Kitsune's a lush.  
Over to his futon the young woman hastened -   
Damn, this lady's got to be wasted.  
  
She removes his comforter, prepares to slip in -  
And Su pops out of the secret passage again.  
"Wai! Kitsune," she says with a smile,  
"Do you wanna play with me for a while?"  
  
Sara pops up too, her mask in her hands.  
"I'll knock that damn ronin way off to Greenland!"  
Kitsune - she sighs; try as she might,  
There's no way she'll get any Keitaro that night.  
  
So she and the kids slip out of his room,  
Kitsune's face is covered with gloom.  
But Keitaro's night isn't over, says Fate;  
Here comes Hinata-sou's resident jailbait.  
  
Ah, yes, it's Shinobu Maehara, it seems,  
The one in all the Lolicon-goers dreams.  
She opens the door, looks around quick,  
Then enters his room and shuts the door with a click.  
  
"Aau, senpai, what I've got to say  
It really can't wait another day.  
You know how Naru feels, you know it, oh, hell.  
What about me? Can't I say it as well?"  
  
And so the girl stuttered around the words,  
Not knowing Keitaro was out of his gourd.  
He couldn't hear anything she said,  
And when she finished (an hour later), she slipped into his bed.  
  
"Senpai, you know I've said what I could,  
I hope you think I feel like I should.  
I don't think I could love you any more..."  
And his response was one big honkin' snore.  
  
Shinobu dashed out, her hands on her face,  
And Keitaro slept on, oblivious to the race.  
Narusegawa, too, slept on above,  
Though she'd soon be sleeping next to her love.  
  
Admittedly, we all know somnabulism's rare  
(Those who don't know, that's sleepwalking, if you care)  
But it seems that Narusegawa filled that role,  
For she rose from her futon and walked to the hole.  
  
Away flew the Liddo-kun, away with a mutter,  
And down Narusegawa went, her pajamas a-flutter.  
She landed by the futon where Keitaro lay,  
And she pulled his comforter on her without getting a "nay."  
  
She slept through the night, tossing and turning,  
And Keitaro woke, his body a-burning.  
For Narusegawa had landed pressed up to him,  
He had a problem - and it wasn't exactly "slim."  
  
So he slipped out, his danger sense on high,  
And exited his room with a soft quiet sigh.  
Down the hall Keitaro went,  
To the gift of a cold shower - it seemed heaven-sent.  
  
He didn't expect what he found, however,  
And it only exacerbated his body's warm fever.  
Mutsumi in the shower made his nose bleed,  
The mere sight of her - ara ara, indeed.  
  
She slipped and fell and landed on top,  
And Keitaro sat there, quite the useless fop.  
The door slid open, and who should finish the scene?  
Narusegawa, and her fist of "call me queen."  
  
And so Keitaro went through the roof once more,  
And the Christmas season continued without a bore.  
Admittedly, there were a lot of blushes and some dry heaves,  
But hey, if you're ever there, would you want to leave?  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES  
  
Admittedly, the end was a little off. I'd intended to do some other  
items for it, but my mind goes quickly after I drink a case of Bawls  
with Penguin Mints in under four days.  
  
Yes, Penguin Mints and Bawls. The CompUSA near my house is getting  
Bawls now, and the Fry's ten miles north of that gets the Mints. I  
am happy, for now I don't have to order them from Thinkgeek as often  
as I do.  
  
If you're interested, I've got Talon's, Eijentu's, and my illustrations  
up on my site in the Fanart section. They were drawn by Kebinu - I just  
did the coloring.  
  
And I do apologize for not finishing up "The Kyoto Liddo-kun" before   
Christmas. Looks like it's going to be another series of mine that spans  
two years.  
  
Lastly, all the authors involved in the Love Hina Fanboy War - I've got  
something in the works that may be of interest. I'm devising a trailer  
for it, and I've mapped it out. All I need now are extra illustrations, as  
this is going to be done in Flash. What music, you ask? Why, it's simple!  
  
"Kopperia no Hitsugi" by Ali Project is going to be the background music  
for the trailer - and not that wimpy little two-minute one. No, this is four  
and a half minutes. Catch is, it's gonna take me a while to finish.  
  
Ja ne.  
  
Tuxedo Jack  
December 27th, 2003  
  
"Hito wa odori-tsukareta ningyou..." 


End file.
